


I'll Leave You Choking on Every Word You Left Unspoken

by Belsehen



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Times, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this in one sitting and it made me sad, M/M, Post Season 4, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Season 3 Spoilers, Some Swearing, but also fluff, pinning Keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 05:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12977109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belsehen/pseuds/Belsehen
Summary: He lied the first time they met. It was a white lie, he didn't mean any harm but somehow the guilt blossomed as years went by and their relationship grew stronger; every time he repeated those words they felt like poison in his tongue.Five times Keith said he was fine + One time Shiro didn't buy it.





	I'll Leave You Choking on Every Word You Left Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so there's slight canon divergence here because Keith and Matt were friends so Keith and Pidge already knew each other.

He lied the first time they met. It was a white lie, he didn’t mean any harm yet somehow the guilty blossomed as years went by and their relationship grew stronger; every time he repeated those words they felt like poison in his tongue.

_**I** _

During his free time, Keith enjoyed sparring. It didn't matter if he found a partner or just a dummy, he simply enjoyed letting his mind rest and follow his instincts, kicking and dodging; keeping himself in good shape and being able to respond upon most of the attacks he could think of. Of course, he was no rookie, he knew how to place his feet, where to focus his balance and the correct way to form a fist so he wouldn't harm his fingers or make his knuckles bleed. Which is why it was surprising for him to find himself sitting in one of the nursery's chairs, his wrist stinging like it was on fire; he had lost balance and fallen on his back, his poor attempt to prevent his fallen ending in his right wrist bending in a way which made him yelp. 

He wouldn't have gone to the nurse's office if one of his classmates who happened to be around had heard him fall, yet there he was, waiting for Ms. Jax to come back with some ice so his wrist stopped swelling. 

Lucky him, no one else seemed to be around. Until the door opened and two guys entered the room. Keith studied them for a moment, one of them appeared to be his height and age with brown hair and glasses and a broken nose bleeding like a fountain; he was leaning against the other guy, who seemed slightly older and had black hair slicked backward and grey eyes scanning the room until they meet Keith's.

There was an awkward silence which was not broken until the guy with black hair forced his friend to sit next to Keith.

"How are you feeling Matt?" asked the black haired guy, worry in his eyes.

"I'm okay Shiro, it's just a bloody nose." The other boy─Matt, sighed and threw his head backward, hitting the wall.  

"And what about you?"

It took Keith a moment to realize he was being addressed, which made him blush and feel a little stupid. 

"Oh, me?" _yeah you dumbass, there are only three people in the room_ "I'm okay." He nodded and went back to staring at the wall and bouncing his knee. 

"You're in the infirmary." He pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

"I just hurt my wrist training, nothing to worry about. For the record, I was dragged here against my will." Keith replied, with a slight edge in his tone. He refused to turn around.

"You like to spar?" Chimmed in Matt, with a little too much enthusiasm. "So do we! Shiro here is the one that gave me a bloody nose while sparing!" He admitted, catching Keith's attention. 

Shiro gave a soft giggle and blushed. "It was an accident, I swear."

Matt chuckled. "I know, I should have known better."

Ms. Jax came back, ice in hand. She handed Keith a bag of ice wrapped in an old cloth for him to hold on his wrist while she took a look at Matt. Keith started to put the bandage on his own, but a pair of hands stopped him. He raised his eyes to meet Shiro's.

"Here, let me." He said as he carefully wrapped the bandage around his wrist and hand. Keith was about to object but he stopped himself, this guy was just trying to be nice. 

"Thanks," he said, as he exited the nurse's office, not caring to look back.

He had just gained a few feet of distance when the door opened and someone yelled at him. "Hey!" It was Shiro, sticking half his body out the frame of the door.

Keith paused his step and turned around just as Shiro jogged to him. 

"I'm Shiro, "he introduced himself, presenting him with a hand to shake.

"Keith," he took his hand, a bit confused as to why was he introducing himself when Keith made it clear he was ready to leave.

"Do you spar often?" Shiro asked, hands on his hips, leaning his head to the side. "Because if you do I was thinking maybe you should join us. Matt and me. Not many students like to spar so it would actually be nice to have a partner, don't you think?" He said, and his smile was so bright it almost blinded Keith.

"Yeah, I guess I would like that." He answered without really thinking about it. 

"Good, see you next Tuesday? I mean, I assume you have this hour free and so do we so we might as well use it."

Keith only nodded. He turned around and waved goodbye. "See you next Tuesday."

* * *

_**II** _

Months went by, and sparring partners had turned into some form of friendship in which the three of them were always hanging around each other even if they weren't sparring. Somehow, Keith started feeling closer to those dorks than he ever imagined he could. Specially Shiro. There was something about him, maybe it was his smile, or how his long eyelashes made his eyes look like they were perfect or his laugh- maybe it was his laugh, the way his eyes wrinkled and everything felt so natural and being around Shiro was as easy as breathing even when sometimes being with Shiro made breathing difficult and everything inside Keith's mind was a mess.

The three of them had planned on going out that Friday, to grab something to eat and watch that new movie everyone was talking about, but Matt had canceled last minute─something about his sister needing help on a project.

So it was just Keith and Shiro. It felt awkward yet natural. 

They decided to skip the movie, it had been Matt's idea after all. Shiro suggested going to a local bar, Keith had simply agreed. 

They were sitting side by side, drinks on hand. 

Why was Keith so nervous? He stole a glance to his left, where Shiro was taking a sip of his drink. 

He started wondering when he had stopped seeing Shiro as a stranger or just another student. He wondered if he ever felt like Shiro was his friend because he knew that feeling burning deep inside his chest was not friendship. When had this feeling torn their way into his heart? Suddenly everything was too much. His mind was flooded with memories, from the first time their eyes met and how his wrist seemed to stop hurting just by looking at him. Those late nights when they both had too much energy and spent midnight hours sparring, sharing and comparing techniques. That one time they had been out of bed past curfew and had to hide in an empty classroom when they heard Iverson coming, Matt had been there too, but his memory was only and only Shiro's expression under the dim lights of the corridors,  how his checks swallowed due to him trying to suppress his laughter, the memory was so vivid he could almost feel the warmth of Shiro's chest against his back and the way it vibrated when he had giggled. Being pinned into the floor by Shiro and his words going to deaf ears for Keith couldn't focus on the advice to keep stance, he could only do as much as pretend to nod as he stared at Shiro's lips. 

He had a special memory, one of only the two of them. They weren't sparing or hanging out, they ran into each other out of fate. Keith was studying in the library, trying to retain the words from the book for more than a few minutes before he gave up and threw his head back, leaning all of his weight on the chair's back. He closed his eyes and tried his best to remain calm, he was getting frustrated. He opened his eyes when he heard a chuckle come from behind him, a hand resting on his shoulder. 

"I assume you are not a fan of engineering," greeted Shiro as he bent down to check Keith's notes.

"I'm going to fail," he confessed, resignation drowning his voice. 

He turned his head so he could see Shiro and their eyes met, and something went off, like fireworks. It was late and there were only two lamps on, right behind them. The silence was such the only thing Keith could hear was Shiro's breathing along with his, not to mention his heart going wild against his ribcage. He wished Shiro was oblivious to that last one. For a moment they both leaned in, and what could have been a perfect kiss in Keith's mind turned to be Shiro pointing something and explaining the formulas shown in the book. 

"There's no point, I'm going to fail," Keith muttered, pressing his forehead against the wooden table.

"No you won't, I won't give up on you. Never."

According to Keith, he hadn't heard a single word of what Shiro explained, but when he was handed his test back, he was met with a perfect score. _Patience yields focus,_ he had been told. He couldn't tell what he had learned, other than every single detail of Shiro's face. The passion with which he explained things, his patient smile when Keith made a confused face, how he reassured him and gave him encouraging words along with pats on his shoulder. 

So this time, when Shiro put his hand on Keith's shoulder and leaned in, Keith just turned around to face him. To take in his beautiful eyes under the blue lights of the bar.

"Are you okay?" Shiro asked with a voice as soft as silk.

"Yeah," he replied, out of breath and feeling lost. He was drowning in his feelings and no one ever taught him how to swim. 

He took his glass and drank it all in one go before exiting the bar and running away, not looking back. Shiro was quick to run after him, he grabbed Keith by the shoulder and stared at him for seconds that felt like an eternity.

Then he leaned in and kissed him.

* * *

_**III** _

"I still can't believe they chose _me_ to pilot the mission! I'm going to pilot to Kerberos! Can you believe it!?" Shiro was so excited Keith would have bet on that his boyfriend wanted to go to the Garrison's roof and yell in excitement.

Keith chuckled, watching Shiro bounce and jump around. "I'm so proud of you." He said, earning a soft smile from Shiro.  

He didn't say anything else, he didn't bring up how much he was gonna miss him and what it was going to be like being alone since Matt was also going. He shut his mouth and didn't let tears spill, he knew didn't want to ruin Shiro's excitement with his inner dilemmas.

He would be leaving in a week and he still celebrated as if he had just been told. 

It was eating Keith alive, craving a hole in his chest, chilling wind running down his bones and making him feel weak. He hasn't left but Keith already misses him. 

They are laying on their backs on the grass, it's close to midnight but they can't help but want to see the stars together, holding hands.

"You're going to be flying there," said Keith, pointing to a random spot, "and there, and there. You'll be out there, and I'll watch you from here."

Shiro hummed, curling against Keith's side.

"Won't you miss me? Because I'll miss you." He said, pressing a kiss to Keith's hair. 

"Who wouldn't miss you?" he said jokingly, turning his head so their noses were rubbing against each other.

"Maybe I should stay here, you know, to make sure you stay out of trouble," Shiro said, raising an eyebrow.

Keith pressed a soft kiss to Shiro's lips. "I'll behave, I'll be fine."

They took off the next day.

* * *

 

_**IV** _

~~_**PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR** _ ~~

_"If only that pilot had been as good as his looks."_

_"They should have sent a professional."_

~~_**PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR**_ ~~

Keith stepped out of the simulator. Iverson praised him in the worst way possible.

"That was good, Kogane. Learn what you can of him, that way you won't make the same mistakes Shirogane did."

Keith closed his eyes and pretended he hadn't heard him.

~~_**PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR**_~~

_"How awful, first mission that far and the pilot messed up"_

_"If he wasn't good enough why did they chose him?"_

~~_**PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR PILOT ERROR**_ ~~

He is kicked out for punching Iverson in the face. He doesn't regret it.

"Do you believe it was a pilot error?" Katie had asked him once. 

"Never. I know they are out there."

"Then we'll find them, together."

"We will, Katie, we will."

"I'm sneaking in, I will find the truth. And then I'll find Matt and dad."

"I know you will; and then I will find Shiro."

Keith stands up, ready to leave the Holt's threshold where he and Katie had been sitting.

"Hey, Keith?" Katie calls, hesitating.

He turns to face her.

"Are you okay?"

Keith fakes a smile.

"I am, and once we find them, I will be even better."

Inside, he feels like shattered glass.

* * *

_**V** _

Their first mission with Keith piloting Black is a success, which is why it takes him by surprise when he finds Allura waiting for him at the hangar. 

"Hey, Keith, may I have a word with you?"

Allura's voice comes from behind him, right after he stepped out of the black lion. She had been waiting for him. She looks a bit tired, the bags under her eyes giver her away but Keith doesn't judge her; he probably looks the same way. 

He hadn't slept for more than a few hours in those last days, red and he kept searching, never losing hope. 

"Something wrong princess?"

"Fortunately, no. However I am a bit... concerned about you," she admitted, locking eyes with him.

"Concerned about me? Why?" Keith tried to keep the exasperation and anger out of his voice, but he didn't succeed. "Look, if you are worried I am not going to be a good leader, let me tell you something. I won't be a good one, okay? I'll probably be the worst pilot the black lion has ever had including Zarkon! I had no idea what to do and I was not born to lead. So save it, if you are concerned I'm not fit for this role, let me tell you I am not. Shiro thought I would but he always thought I was more than I actually am. The black lion probably only responded to me because Shiro must have asked it."

Silence grew tense between both of them.

"I was going to ask if you felt okay piloting black," she calmly answered, untaken aback by Keith's rant. 

The question took Keith by surprise.

"I know you don't want this, I know you feel it's wrong, taking _his_ place."

"I am okay," he snarled, walking away. "It's only until we find Shiro."

Allura sighed, knowing Keith would never give up. 

* * *

_**VI** _

He feels out of breath, his senses still a bit numb from the explosion, he almost doesn't catch Lotor's voice in the coms of his ship. Kolivan orders him to meet him and the rest of the blades and rebels back at the Castle of Lions, and he does as told. 

He enters the bridge and reminisces about the times when he was a paladin. It doesn't last, as soon as Matt is there he is being grabbed by the shoulders and yelled at.

"What were you thinking Keith?! You could have died! You  _were going to_! What the hell Keith?"

_You could have died!_

The world around him was buzzing. He could barely focus.

_You were going to!_

Matt's words cut through him like a knife. The adrenaline from the battlefield slowly leaving his system, making him feel weak. 

"What's going on?" asked Hunk. The paladins and Coran had formed a semi-circle around the scene, watching in awe as Matt yelled and Keith acted like a broken doll. 

"Only galra technology could take down that shield. My ship was galra. It was one life in exchange of thousands," Keith's voice was weak and low, if it wasn't for the silence in the room, not even Matt could have heard. But they all heard.

"Wait, what? What happened?" asked Allura, her brow wrinkling in confusion and worry.

"Before Lotor appeared with his canon," Keith began, his voice almost a whisper, so everyone closed in to hear him speak. "we needed to take down the shield. I figured..." he gasped, running out of breath. "My ship was galra, I took it after disabling the canon.  _It could have worked._ "

"What are you trying to say?" Pidge's voice was quivering.

Matt was the one to answer, hardening his grip on Keiths shoulders. "He was going to ram his ship against the shield."

No one knew what to say, yet everyone had something to yell.

"Keith! How could you possibly think of doing such thing? Aren't you aware of how it would affect the team!" exploded Allura, and was shortly followed by Lance.

"I knew you were stupid but that's beyond my insults! Why would you do that!?"

"You could have considered other options, not just go ahead and get yourself killed!" accused Pidge, who looked at the brink of tears.

"Keith you can't just assume sacrifice is the best option!" said Hunk.

Matt went on with his apparently planned speech about the meaning of life, Allura, Pidge, Hunk, and Coran kept ranting about him being a hot head and not stopping to think of other options, while Lance kept going over Keith's value to the team. Everyone had something to yell. Everyone but Shiro.

"Guys," he yelled, calling an immediate silence." cut it. We'll discuss this later, there are tasks at hand right now."

"But I'm okay, that's what matters, isn't it?" he said just as Shiro finished his sentence. 

Everyone stared at Keith in disbelief. 

"He is right," Shiro backed him up. Matt let go of Keith, but Shiro's hand replaced Matt's on Keith's shoulder. "He  _is_ fine. That  _is_ what matters."

So many things were going on on Keith's head, he truly seemed a broken doll, just standing there with his eyes nailed to the void and his body growing weaker with every passing second. Shiro, Coran, and Allura were taking. Pidge, Hunk, Matt, and Lance kept staring at Keith. Like it was a personal offense that he had tried to save their lives by giving up his own. Pidge cried into Matt's arms.

The next thing he knew he was being dragged away by Shiro. He had one hand on his shoulder and the other one in his waist, pressing him into walking. They went to Shiro's room. 

Shiro made him sat down on the bed and locked the door.

"Keith," he called.

"I'm okay," He said as soon as he picked on the worry on Shiro's voice.

"Keith." This time his tone was softer, like one he would use to get close to a wounded animal. 

Keith remained still, sitting at the edge of Shiro's bed, hands on his knees and hoodie on, but no mask. There were many scratches on his suit, he surely was bruised in many areas; the blast from Lotor's canon had been so sudden he had barely had time to try and pull back. The blade's suits weren't nearly as strong as the paladin's, so the explosion sure did him some harm. 

"Keith."

There was a hand on his, gently caressing it. He was starting to feel pain. In his hands, where he had clutched the controls of the ship too hard. His head, for he had hit the backseat with brute force during the blast. His ribs where he had hit with the armrests of the pilot's seat when his ship had spiraled out of control. 

"Keith."

His hoodie was down, revealing a pale face with empty eyes and a few scratches on his cheeks. His lips were shaking, and it was not cold.

"I couldn't," he said, gathering the courage to look at Shiro in the eye.  "I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye." His voice lacked emotion as if he wasn't behind them and something else was taking over him. Maybe it was: guilty. "I never meant to worry you. Any of you."

Shiro frowned.

"But when I thought of Naxela exploding and everyone dying... Allura and Coran... Matt and Pidge... Lance and Hunk... the rebels, the innocent... you..."

Shiro was patient and gave Keith time to gather strength. This time he looked at him.

"I couldn't say goodbye because I didn't want to die, I didn't want to accept I was sealing my fate as to never see you again, to never find out what happened to my dad, to my mom, to never hear any of you laugh again. I could not accept the fact that I was going to face my end. So I didn't say goodbye. I didn't want to die, but I knew it was the only option if I wanted you to live. I can't even begin to imagine a world where the galra take over and reach Earth and everyone I love dies. When we first meet I had no friends, you and Matt were my only friends; then they said you died and the only one that could possibly understand was Pidge, but then... then we formed Voltron. We became a family. A weird family with a space mustache dad and an alien princess and annoying siblings but I had found a home. And... And if you ask me if I would die to keep you all safe the answer will always be yes, because that's what people do; we protect our homes, we protect what we love," a tear rolled down Keith's check and he chuckled. "that I learnt from you."

Keith looked away, and for a moment neither of them knew what to do or say. Shiro suggested taking a bath, and Keith was more than happy to agree. Once the bathtub was full, and they were both in the water, Shiro pressed kisses upon every single one of Keith's bruises and injuries. Keith leaned his head back to rest it on Shiro's shoulder and he buried his face in the crook of Shiro's neck. Keith broke down into sobs and tears there and only then, in Shiro's arms. Shiro held him as he whispered soft yet cheeky things to his ear. _I love you, it's okay, I love you, Keith, I don't know what I'd do without you by my side, You are so much more than the entire universe for me, it's okay to cry, I'll never let go of you, I am here for you._

Once they got dressed, Keith hesitated whether or not he should go back and report to Kolivan. It took just a tug on the sleeve of his borrowed t-shirt for him to cradle under Shiro's sheets and rest his head on his chest, falling asleep to the lullaby of Shiro's heartbeat.

For once, Keith fell asleep knowing things may not be okay at that exact moment, but that it would come a time when everything was fine. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Don't worry, I also ask myself why am I like this ](https://paladorksinlove.tumblr.com)


End file.
